You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
