he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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