i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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