cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
