NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
