Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
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