hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
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