He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
