what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
