I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
