my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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