Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
