Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
