I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize