I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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