he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
