i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
