He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize