Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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