Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
