see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
