Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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