M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
