Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
