I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize