I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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