Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize