In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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