forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
