There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
