Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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