you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
