So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
