I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
