So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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