You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
