I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
