sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
