Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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