my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
