The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize