she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
