Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
