i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
