A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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