do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize