Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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