I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
