I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
