we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
