I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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