yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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