seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
