I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
