I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
