No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
