i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
