I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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