Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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