He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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