she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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