I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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