New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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