I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
