so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
