it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
