I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
