Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
