Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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