; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
