i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
