I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
