Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
