Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
