Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
