Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He better not be in your backpack
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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