Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
