let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
this is an emotional support booty call
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
