The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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