I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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