I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
