We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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