Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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