Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
