sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
