Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
