I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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