Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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