you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
