the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize