i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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