definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
